Well, I’ve spent my first mother’s day in a fog of crazed sleep deprivation… not exactly how I always imagined it

This last week the bottom really fell out. I have truly been brought to my knees… I surrender! Things sleep wise have been challenging for a couple of months now- ever since those cursed little teeth painfully pushed their way up through my son’s little gums. Now here we are, a ragged little family, stumbling along trying to keep our eyes open. And being sleep deprived is REALLY different than being tired. It drives me crazy when people who don’t have kids try to say they understand… they haven’t been sleeping well either- AHHHHH!! There is a reason that sleep deprivation is a very useful and successful form of torture.

The thing about sleep and babies is that it is a very loaded topic. Everyone has an opinion about what to do to get baby to sleep. Mostly I don’t even want to talk to people about it because I don’t want to debate the issue. I really, fundamentally, disagree with the “cry it out” method. There are a dozen reasons I could give as to why I think it is not only cruel to baby but also to mom; It is not something that I will EVER do. However, since going through this experience with my son, I now really and truly have compassion for people who at the end of their rope wind up going this route.

I have had my astrology chart read a few times in my life, and one of the big challenges or lessons I have this lifetime is to learn compassion for others… so, along comes my son, the master teacher to really bring it home for me. Thankfully, I have come across the book “The No Cry Sleep Solution” which feels like it is putting us on the right track… thank you Elizabeth Pantley!

So, this mother’s day- my first of many, I am taking a couple of moments to acknowledge all of the things I have to be grateful for:

* My husband Ryan who really and truly is a partner in every sense of the world. I am so grateful everyday that this is the experience of relationship that I get to have this lifetime. I love you sweet man.

* My son Kieran who has taught me that until now, I only thought I knew what surrender, sacrifice and true love meant.

* My spiritual path, my discipline which holds me together and gives me a place to bow my head.

* My spiritual Teacher, Yogi Bhajan who taught me that I am a beloved of God.

* My amazing mother, who just loves and loves and loves.

* My family who are the strangest group of people for me to be traveling with this lifetime- and that is what makes it work so well!

* My dear sweet friends- my sisters- Caitlin and Mikki who continually love and nurture me.

* Marina who when she hugs me- makes everything OK.

* My soul sister Ad Purkh Kaur who I never have to explain anything to- she just knows.

* My “Fairy God Mother” Jot Prakash who has a date with Kieran every week and gives me a couple of bliss filled hours to myself.

* My Sangat- my spiritual community who allow me to be in the company of the saints.

* Sunshine on Mother’s day after a week of dull dreary skies.

* My “birthing ball”- those exercise balls which allows me to bounce my son… sometimes for hours… and not break my back.

* Ben and Jerry’s “Chunky Monkey” ice cream. Man… it is just good.

* A warm cup of English breakfast tea early in the morning… mmmmm.

* And for all the Mother’s of the world who everyday in ways huge and barely noticeable to the human eye give of themselves to create this world.

“The institution of woman is the fountain of spirit in which the future of the human being is nursed. And, if Almighty God ever chooses to take the form of a human being, he has to flow through the passage of a woman. Therefore, her dignity and her divinity qualify for the arrival of the spirit. Each woman who tunes to the Infinity of God creates God on earth.”
Yogi Bhajan, Women’s Camp 1977

Amen to that.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this word recently… and how it relates to being a mom. Sacrifice has become somewhat of a foreign concept for many of us… in fact many people feel that sacrifice is a negative thing- it means I will have to give something up- true. It also has these undertones of martyrdom: “I will give and give and sacrifice my own happiness…” or something along those lines. That is not sacrifice- it is play of the ego to be recognized and to be congratulated.

The word sacrifice means to make something sacred. It is truly the longing of the soul to sacrifice- to make this life sacred. I am a Sikh- and in the Siri Guru Granth Sahib which is the Guru of the Sikhs it says over and over and over and OVER again in many different poetic ways that “My soul and body are a sacrifice to you Oh Lord.” It is a feeling of pure devotion and longing- to give yourself fully to something; it gives purpose, it gives meaning- it gives happiness.  When I was pregnant with my son, I read from the Guru everyday and every day I was reminded that my soul and my body are now a sacrifice to this child- my body has a sacred task…

“So long as this earth will remain, woman shall be know. Her breasts will always turn her own blood into milk so that her offspring can live. She will always generate in herself enough room that life can expand. She will open up her uterus so that life can come through her- all the way, to live and enjoy the splendidness of the universe. And she will go through all of those physical and mental changes just so mankind can exist.”

- Yogi Bhajan (Master of Kundalini Yoga)

When I first read this quote it nearly took my breath away because you feel the sacredness of woman, of mother… the real beauty of the sacrifice that women make every day… and yet in our society we talk about “yummy mummies”, maintaining our figure after child birth, how to get back your life after your child is born: GROSS!! Somehow we have seriously lost our way.

I was watching a talk show the other morning and they had on a woman who has written a book called “If women ruled the world.” And I thought to myself- Women DO rule the world; no human is born except through woman, women have the capacity to completely and totally change this earth- and not by running for president, not by being in charge of wall street… but by remembering that it can be as simple and powerful as sacrificing ourselves to the divine role of mother…

The truth about motherhood. What is the truth about motherhood? And is it “the” truth, or “my truth”. For those of you who know me… you know that for me my truth is THE truth

So, my truth about motherhood is that all moms are superheros. ALL moms. And not in the “Wonder woman” I can do it all and still look good kind of way- that is BS. I mean REAL superheros with super powers like giving birth for one! Or the ability to go more days than you’d care to count without any sleep and still function… and not only function, but be responsible for and nurture a whole other human being. And the greatest superpower of all- the ability to surrender. We may not all be born with that super power, but it is available to all of us.

Since I have become a mom I feel like I have been initiated into a secret society of superheros… now when I see other moms on the street there is a knowing glance that passes between us, like truck drivers or Hells Angels on the highway- it is the nod that says “I feel ya sister” or “You really do look beautiful with that spit up on your shirt.”

What else…? The truth is that we now have a lot more knowledge about babies and what their needs are and so the level of expectations on mothers has gone way up but most moms have been given no tools for how to get there. The truth is that most women are so out of touch with their bodies that natural child birth is a miracle if it can happen. The truth is that most women have almost no ability to meditate- to sit with their own mind and not freak out. So sitting for 12- plus hours a day to breastfeed a newborn just plain aint gonna happen. It is no wonder breastfeeding is becoming a lost art. The truth is that most people don’t even have a concept of what their nervous system is let alone how to strengthen it so you can handle the unbelievable stress of being a new mom.

The truth is that it is rare that you are “so in love” with this little human at first… you are stunned, overwhelmed, grateful, exhausted, hungry, and terrified… with moments of complete bliss tossed in. And the truth is that the completely pure and unconditional love you do feel for your new child is so unlike any kind of love you’ve ever experienced that the intimacy and vulnerability of it all is enough to actually make you weep. It is so terrifying to love someone that much; it is easier to shut down to it then feel it… because you will have to watch this little child be in pain, to be disappointed (some times by you), to have their heart broken… and there is nothing you can do to save them from it.

The truth is that if you really honestly forgive your mother for any perceived wrongs, it truly will make you a better mother.

The truth is that teething sucks- babies should be born with teeth. Enough said.

The truth is that women weren’t meant to do this without lots of other women around them. But sadly, most moms end up spending the majority of their time alone in their homes, feeling isolated and overwhelmed. Asking for help and then ACCEPTING that help has been almost completely written out of the rule book in our culture and so it is a hard thing to change.

The truth is that ALL moms do the best that they can at all times, but sadly the guilt of not matching up to the unreachable standard that has been set is enough to debilitate us sometimes.

And finally, the truth is that despite all of this it is an incredible honour to birth a child and to raise and nurture them into adulthood. There aren’t words to describe the complete and total enrapture you will feel with this tiny being. It makes you want to raise your head high, and proudly carry the title of MOM.